Boo Hunting

Before heading to the Middle East, I decided to take a weekend trip to NYC to spend some quality time with my best friend from forever and her partner in crime: a sassy yet sweet southern Cali girl turned NYC school teacher who first introduced me to the concept of "boo hunting."

Boo hunting is pretty much as it sounds--going out in search of potential man-friends. The difference between a boo hunting night a regular night is effort. On a boo hunting night, you identify the guy you are attracted to and you go talk to him. On a normal night you wait for them to come to you...

Last night my bff, her recently single partner in crime and I decided to do a little lower east side boo hunting and here are the results: Apparently I am super picky because the extent of my find was one guy with whom I shared an unintelligible conversation (he was a South American raised in Paris with a mumbling problem), several cocktails, and eventually an extremely innocent kiss goodbye. Other than that, I didn't see a single guy I wanted to talk to...s0 maybe I need to lower my standards, or maybe I need to stop being so effing superficial.

Another brief update: birthday boy is no more, I'm having coffee first thing with my first love/lust from high school, and then making the rounds to lunch with my ex from college before I jump on plane.....gotta keep things interesting, right? More to come in a couple weeks...

xoxo,
Salty

Going, Going, Goooooooone

With no luck in the states, this girl is heading overseas to try her hand with Israeli men...... While there are more noble things to be done in the Middle East, I wouldn't mind a hot Israeli whispering sweet Hebrew nothings into my ear...(while I meditate on peace in the Middle East, of course).

On a serious note, while it would be great to meet someone while I'm there, I'm mainly excited about having the chance to totally disconnect. On a daily basis there are too many distractions. With cell phones, email and Facebook it's impossible not to be aware of what everyone else is doing, subsequently distracting from what's really important: you!

I think the lack of significant men in my life can be correlated with the lack of significant time I have had to be with myself (it's widely agreed that you need to be the person you want to date!). I am currently working two jobs, one of which includes an unfortunate and toxic coworker, and the other involves little money and folding ski pants. Needless to say, I am not 100% enthusiastic about my life at the moment, which is why I relish the chance to turn off my cell phone, abandon my email and explore.

So...first I take a mini vacation to the Big Apple to hang out with my best friend from forever and then I'm going, going, goooooone. Try not to miss me too much.

p.s. I almost forgot---No birthday boy for me.....it was such a bad idea, even he realized it. Eek!

xoxo,
Salty

Cutting off my ear to spite my face....

It's a bad idea.

"What?" you may ask.... Well, I was going to ponder a question over the course of this post, but since I can answer my own question, I'll just explain what on earth I'm talking about.

It's simply a bad idea to see the guy I spent my birthday weekend with, who took weeks to call and is a selfish ass. HOWEVER, I'm a very slow learner and quite bored, so I might. In fact, I probably will, as my upcoming trip to New York is followed by a two week excursion to the Middle East....and not being one of the safest places in the world, I would at least like to have a night of regrettable fun before I hit up the West Bank.

I never learn!

XOXO, Salty

Wait, where are you going?

I love Thanksgiving. Lots of food, wine, and family time…and of course, questions from my relatives about my current boy situation. Unfortunately they always bring up the guy I talked about at the last family function and I have to first figure out A) who I was so excited about 3 months ago, and then B) how do I explain what went wrong (i.e. he got back together with his ex, he turned out to have a pretty major drug addiction, etc). So I’ve learned to be very cautious about how much info I give away to the fam at the beginning of things to avoid the risk of seeing serious disappointment on their faces at the next holiday. So here’s what I didn’t tell them this weekend…

I started dating this super nice guy a couple weeks ago. He does everything right, it’s pretty unbelievable…he orders a bottle of wine at dinner (and pays), calls when he says he will, he’s nice to my friends, etc. Think Aidan from Sex and the City. My family would LOVE him. Sound too good to be true? Yep, it is. He’s leaving Chicago in a few weeks...to spend 6 months in a third world country. So there’s that. Part of me is also a little skeptical about all this niceness. It's almost creepy how much of a good person he is. I’m just not used to it or something….but hey, I’ll take it and do everything I can to appreciate it while it lasts.

Anyway, I’m definitely going to continue hanging out with him until he leaves. But he won’t be showing up at my parents’ house for the holidays, and there is definitely no long-distance relationship in our future. So I’ll just have to work on finding a replacement guy by the time he leaves or the last couple months of winter are going to be brutal!!

XOXO, Sweet!

We means we.....

Although Google analytics may indicate otherwise, it seems people are actually reading this blog (thanks!) and want to know what happened with the dog-sled guy. So, without further ado: It turns out he's in a serious relationship (boo) AND he started a company with her, so it looks like they are in it for the long haul (boo). Just to make the situation a little more vomit inducing, I found the following on their company website in the "our story" section. (and NO, I'm not a creep, he gave me the address during our phone convo..)

"In life, things seem to come together at the right time. I had always heard about abilities of dogs to attract the opposite sex, yet I had never experienced Ozzie's magic until the day he met Lindsay.

Lindsay just so happened to have a big black Sheep Herder named Cody... Actually, Cody has an adorable and attractive human named Lindsay, who also happened to be looking for a beautiful green fenced in yard.

Lindsay and I started GreenWISE because of our love for dogs, yards, and... each other. The rest is history."

Although I just threw up in my mouth, I kind of wish it were me. Haha.
XOXO, Salty!

The royal we

My quest for a little extra cash often leads me to the suburbs for a little dog/house sitting. This evening as I was taking said dog for a walk I saw a peculiar sight: a man balanced on a skateboard being pulled by two dogs. Intrigued and a little startled, I waved hello and watched as he disappeared down the street.

Twenty minutes later I'm about to walk into a restaurant to meet my mother for dinner (dog/house sitting also comes with free sushi dinners with mom--awesome) when dog sled guy appears out of nowhere. As he stops to tie his dogs to a nearby post I happen to notice that he's a not ugly. In fact, he's gorgeous. Realizing that I was being a total creep standing there watching him tie up his dogs, I tried to save face by saying hello. "Hello" turned into a ten minute convo and eventually he suggested we hang out sometime. As I'm putting his digits into my phone feeling happy as a clam he says something along the lines of: "great, we would love to hang out. We only live right around the corner."

WE? My first instinct is to look at his ring finger....nothing. Before I have a chance to subtly explore the "we," my mother comes out of the restaurant looking annoyed. I say goodbye and depart only to be left wondering who "we" is......

Here's what I've come up with (with my comments in bold):

1. We = wife and kids and he doesn't wear his rings because he is the owner of a green landscaping company and thus it would get dirty (Not into this scenario...and he's only 28, which seems pretty young for a wife and kids, but also very plausible)
2. We = very serious girlfriend (not into this one either...but always possible, as who would choose to live in the suburbs if they are young and single)
3. We = he lives with his parents (eek)
4. We = he considers the dogs part of the family (I'm down)
5. We = he has roommates (totally town)
6. We = he loves himself so much he uses the royal we (of course this would be the guy I run into)

So, my gut would be #1, but I think I'm going to call tomorrow night and suggest a friendly dog walking sesh just to find out. If I had to put money on it though, I would bet that Friday's post includes my creepy encounter with dog sled guy and his wife (and maybe 7 children). Eek! More to come!!

XOXO Salty

• 
  

Is it too much to ask?

Minus the work thing, of course.....

Good dates come with a price

Sorry I’ve been MIA, just a little pre-occupied. Per Salty's post below, things have been kind of rough lately and I've had a lack of motivation to post anything. But I do have good news (sort of)…I actually went on a good date last week (seriously!!). Yes, I’m really capable of liking someone. The guy is super cute, nice, and funny and it turns out we have a lot in common. He’s even single (for once!). Just one problem…I’ve decided he is SO not into me.

I mean, I totally thought the date was going well, I wasn’t even drunk. He seemed to be having fun too. However at the end of the night I ended up paying for my half of the bill. Ok this is probably mostly my fault. The check came at the end of dinner and my immediate reaction was to nearly throw my credit card across the table at him and say we can split it. I have no idea why I did that, but it really bugs me that he didn’t protest at all…not once.

Usually on a first date I do the standard slow shuffle through my purse searching for my wallet thing until the guy says “don’t be silly” and covers it. I have to at least (pretend to) offer though to be nice. Anyway if this guy was really into me he would have at least tried to reject my offer to pay for myself, right?

Well things aren’t over yet. We probably should be hitting fizzle mode at this point, but I’ve decided to take this on as a challenge and see if there's any hope. I'm bored and of course the fact that he doesn’t like me that much makes him way more attractive (Sick, I know). The texting games have already begun…stay tuned.

XOXO, Sweet.

And now a word from our sponsor....

Sh*t has hit the fan at the workplace of Sweet and Salty coinciding quite conveniently with Salty beginning to feel flu-ish and most of the men in her life deciding to act like children. In an effort to keep their jobs, and to keep Salty from writing increasingly bitter posts (this was not a good weekend for her), events of the past weekend will be summarized:

• Salty went out on a limb and asked bus boy out....he said yes, he would call this weekend, but she didn't hear from him until 10:30pm Sunday night. All he said was sorry he had work parties both nights (and your phone broke??). He is now out of the picture.
• Lawyer Lad did not pull through on Sat night when Salty got locked out of her place at 1 am in Wicker Park. He is now also out of the picture.
  
• Crazy hasn't called which is fine, but crazy.
• My west coast texter pretty much called me out for being lame enough to give these guys a chance in the first place.
  

All in all, Salty is having a bad week and is rethinking her life, her boys, and her job security. More to come...

xoxo,
Salty

the bold and the beautiful.....

Let's begin by pretending I didn't write the last post....and move swiftly on to the events of this past week/weekend. To avoid a long narrative, I'll bullet the boy highlights:

• Turns out I'm not the only one who likes to send inappropriate texts to inappropriate people at inappropriate hours (good thing the gentlemen in question is safely located on the west coast---WHEW)

• Lawyer lad made a late night appearance on Friday and an early morning escape on Saturday ( I need to stop this).

• Friday night I spent an hour chatting it up with this guy who I later saw making out with another dude in the corner (of course)....but he did call me the next day. Go figure.

• The guy who ditched me for another girl last weekend sent apologetic texts that were ignored.

All this was Friday night. Saturday night was a little more interesting...which brings me to bus boy. Many moons ago I met this guy at a friend of a friend's house. He was cute, but taken, and that was about it.... fast forward 6 months. I move apartments and take a new bus route to work. Every single day I see the same guy on the bus. He looks familiar, but since I can't remember why, I just ignore him. A couple months after these daily sightings, I find myself sitting next to him on the ride home. In an attempt to be friendly I introduce myself and confess that I can't remember how I know him -- we went to high school together, right? Not so much. Turns out he was the cute guy from the friend of a friend's house. Whoops!

Anyways, we chat the whole way home and are getting along fabulously when my stop appears out of nowhere and I practically have to dive-roll off the bus. Needless to say there was no time to exchange numbers. I immediately call our mutual friend and tell her that I ran into him on the bus and ask whether he is still dating that one girl (I'm trying to avoid intentionally going for unavailable men). "No," she says "he's not, AND he asks about you all the time." Yay! So of course from then on I am super excited about seeing him on the bus and of course I never run into him again.....and then I move.

Accepting that this fellow is clearly not in my cards, I proceed to forget about him until our mutual friend confesses that he still asks about me (and that these inquiries are accompanied by a large bashful grin), and that he'll be at a halloween party she is coming in town for.

Faaaaaaaaast forward to Sat night. I am pumped to see this guy again for the first time since the end of the summer. When I arrive at the party, however, he is already several drinks into the evening and he may or may not have been accompanied by a "friend" who happens to be wearing the minist of mini skirts. I'm dissappointed that he is there with someone (even though I am assured that although they once dated, are are not anymore), but I decide not to let it ruin my night. My strategy is to just pretend he is not there--- even when he comes over in an attempt to talk, and especially when I find him looking my way.

Well, my strategy works, he clearly gets the hint and we don't talk for the whole evening. The next day, feeling a little bad, a little frustrated, and a little bored with all the boys in my life, I decide to just be bold and ask him out....he immediately texts back saying yes and that he'll call on Thursday or Friday. Eeek! Hopefully I'll have an update tomorrow....

xoxo Salty

It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine......

Common said it, and I must agree--- when something is good, you just know it's good. You don't have to think about it, or even think about thinking about it, it just feels right. The same goes for dating. We have all the time in the world to ponder these bad and obscure dates because they aren't substantial--they don't mean much in the scheme of things. Good dates on the other hand are different. To me, a good date goes by in a blur only leaving a feeling behind. Looking back, I find it hard to remember good dates because I am so engrossed in the moment that I'm not even aware of the details. I couldn't tell you what I was wearing, what I ate or what time I got home...

The point of this post, ( I swear this is leading somewhere!) is to address comments that we appear bitter or jaded. To be honest, I probably am, but I am also hopeful! In the midst of countless horrible dates, there have also been some wonderful ones. Just so you guy stop sipping the haterade (that's for you-know-who at work), I will tell you about the top three dates/guys of the past couple years....after I get a good night's sleep (and have another 12 hours to figure out what I'm going to write about ;). More to come!

xoxo Salty!

Dear Dude from Friday,

You might have had a chance when your friend tried to set you up with me at my pre-bar. You have goals and good taste in music. However, you did a few things that killed your game. Since you were so confused why I wouldn't let you touch my leg later that night in the cab, let me explain…

First you tried to kill my fish by dumping all of his food in the bowl…he’s still alive, but swimming on his side now. Not funny. You thought “Seagull” would be a good nickname for my friend. Have you no manners?

Finally, I knew you looked familiar for some reason! Why are you my Facebook friend already?? I never met you before…that’s super creepy. Yeah, I’m wondering why I accepted a stranger as my friend too, but this isn’t about me right now…and guess what, you have now been de-friended. So please stop posting status updates about how you want to be Mr. (me).

Hopefully I helped clear up your confusion.

XOXO,
Sweet.

A public service announcement brought to you by Salty: Do not recycle!

Cans and bottles? Fine. Guys? No way. Per my last post, I told you that I ran into some guy I used to date while walking to a bar last Thursday. He text me that night asking if we could get together the next night. I said no, I had plans but maybe Sat night. Fast forward to Saturday afternoon...I'm standing in front of my empty fridge at my new apartment trying to figure out how on earth I can make dinner without pots, pans, plates or utensils. It was at that exact moment that I decided someone should take me out to dinner and that someone should probably be that dude I re-met on Thurs. So, I text him asking if he had dinner plans.....No reply. It isn't until 10:30pm after my roommate and I went to get pizza and some friends had come over to pre-party that he calls me. Where am I? Can he come over? Meet me out? Persistent much???

Anyways, for whatever reason I tell him he can come over and accompany us to the bars. Big mistake. As soon as we get to the bar he orders me a drink and we engage in a little chit chat, but as soon as I turn my back to talk to my roommate, two girls walk over and start talking to him. Twenty minutes later they are all still talking and I'm getting annoyed. Fifteen mins later our friends decide to move the party to another bar, and so I leave without saying goodbye or telling him where I am going. At 2am I get a text asking where I went. Clearly he couldn't seal the deal with either chick....

Moral of the story: If you didn't want to date him before, you probably don't want to date him now.

Please don't recycle! xoxoxo Salty

Meat is the way to my heart.

This past weekend a man who was slightly balding approached my friend and I at the bar. We told him in unison that we had boyfriends (a lie), but he continued hitting on us anyway, and even offered to grill us steaks that week. The offer made my eyes light up…I couldn’t help it. So I gave him my number.

I’ve been offered meat a few times before by guys. The best example is the sausage guy I met in Wisconsin (of course) at a beer garden a couple years ago. I was happily inhaling a bratwurst and a beer, and unfortunately caught the attention of an older guy with a mustache and a blaze orange hat. He noticed that I liked brats and said he was a meat distributor. I didn’t really want to talk to this guy, but for some reason I did anyway…and proceeded to give him my address so he could send me “some really good brats.” SO stupid btw.

A couple weeks later I’d forgotten about this encounter, until a UPS guy showed up at the door with a huge box…in it was about 100 frozen bratwurst (!?) and a few filet mignons (bonus!). Thanks sausage guy, for helping me gain 10 pounds in 2 months.
My dad, a psychiatrist and anthropology expert, says that back in the hunter/gatherer days the man who produced the most meat for a tribe was considered to be the alpha male and got all the ladies. Not that I would EVER date one of these guys, it did give them a little extra edge. Go meat.
Sweet!

Pete and Repeat....

Unfortunately this Friday is extremely busy, but I do have a quick update! Walking from work to the happy hour bar yesterday I ran into this guy I used to work with during the summers in high school. Straddling a road bike and wearing a phenomenal blazer and well tailored pants ( I'm a sucker for a man who knows how to dress), he caught my eye. Nine blocks later, we exchanged numbers and bid adieu....

Normally I would be super excited about this as he is quite attractive, (and if my memory serves me, you can wash laundry on his abs) super nice and intelligent, BUT I do recall going on a few dates with him back in high school/early college....clearly something didn't work. If only I could remember what it was....Hmmmmmm

To be continued....

xoxo Salty

I'm currently wasting my time wtih a frat guy.

Here’s how it started. I’m a few beers deep after a football game tailgate and see this frat guy I used to know as an undergrad at the bar. He’s tall, cute, and wearing a pink polo shirt. We’re both tipsy, and immediately confess our past crushes on each other. Conveniently, he just moved to Chicago so we exchange numbers and make plans to hang out once back in the city. All promising so far…

For our first date we agree to meet for happy hour drinks. This was at least a step up from his original suggestion of lunch at a cafeteria-style Mediterranean place…which should have been a red flag, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he doesn’t know the city yet. I spend the first 15 min. of our date trying to get a drink from the bar while he’s shouting directions to a friend on his iphone. Classy. Then when he finally hangs up, this friend arrives…and she’s a girl. Umm, WTF.

Ok…maybe she’s here as a friend to approve/disapprove of me. The girl seems nice, but still, why is she here. I spend the next hour with a perma-smile plastered on my face trying to figure out which one of them I should try to impress. Is she more than just his friend? Is he hoping that this girl and I would bond and he would get super lucky later? Or he could be gay…I just don’t understand. I arrive at the conclusion that he’s either dumb or not interested and get out of there ASAP, not expecting to hear from him again.

But then come the texts over the weekend…and apparently he’s interested (or just drunk). I get a “you’re sexy!” and a “Hey hun, how’s it going?” He even called me “little one.” Ok weird, but yeah, he totally hearts me. Maybe he’ll redeem himself and ask me on a real date. A couple days later, he calls to chat. I ask him what his plans are for the week to get things going. He’s vague, and finally asks “well if you want to hang out casually, let me know.”

WTF does that mean? Casually. As in on the side? Does he have a GF? Umm, not according to Facebook. Sh*t, he just means hang out on the couch doesn’t he. I consider myself to be a low maintenance girl, but really?

I still haven’t decided whether or not to take him up on this generous offer. Maybe I will just for the sake of the blog. Stay tuned…
XOXO, Sweet

With introductions out of the way, it's time for the good stuff: bringing you up to speed on the current gentlemen callers in the life of Salty. Please note that I used the term "gentlemen callers" lightly, as these range from people who call me obsessively, to that guy I only text at 4am after all the bars have closed and I'm still looking to party. So,without further ado...

1) Crazy. I met this guy at 3am early this summer at some random late night bar in Old Town. I was with friends and several thousand cocktails deep when he approached me for a little chit-chat. Mid chit-chat he tells me he's bipolar. Thinking he was kidding (I mean, who just throws that out there the first time you meet them??) , I laugh it off, have another cocktail and leave without giving him my number. A couple days later I get a call from him. Turns out my friends gave him my digits (thanks, guys!) and he wants to know if ill join him for dinner. One thing you should know about me is that I looooove food. I'm a total foodie and although I don't have the funds to do so, I often use dating as a way to finance this hobby. Annnyways, long story short although he called to confirm earlier in the day, he just flat out never called that night. The next day he called to say he was sorry......he decided to go see his family in Wisconsin. WTF? I promptly tell him he's an ass, erase his number from my phone and proceed to forget about him.....

UNTIL! I get a random text last Friday saying he saw me on the street and can he take me to dinner? "Not a chance" I tell him.....but about a million texts, phone calls, etc later I find myself sitting across a plate of sushi from him sipping a leeche martini (yum!). I should also mention that I have less than stellar self control (I'm a prime candidate for peer pressure). Although I was planning on ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, having several delicious cocktails and then telling him he's an asshole and storming out, I ended up having a great time. So, now what?

2) Lawyer Lad. We have a ton of history dating all the way back to that summer we spent together in college....I always thought he was perfect until I found out that he had been dating some chick throughout most of the time we spent together. Now, newly single, he has become my new "call at 4am when I'm stranded in Wicker Park and spent all the cash I have on cocktails and the buses aren't running" guy. Although he has "changed" as he says, he's pretty much standing there waving a giant red flag in front of my face. Unfortunately for me, I must be part bull because I run directly at it, even when I know it's TROUBLE!

3) The Crush. I have the biggest crush on my good friend's brother...this has been going on for years, but it wasn't until this summer that we started hanging out. I consider this thinnnnn ice, so I'm trying to avoid making cracks. Stay tuned!

4) Birthday Boy. For someone who makes his living giving back to other and making the world a better place, this guy is truly a selfish ass. Last winter we started talking and in the midst of our "beginnings" he explains that he's still going through a drawn out break up with his ex and things are really hard for him right now...blah, blah at which point he moves out east for work. Fast forward to September when I spent a glorious weekend in NYC celebrating my quarter century with my besties....the night of my birthday he met us out for drinking, dancing and an a-bar at his place. 11am the next morning I did my first ever NYC walk of shame across Manhattan. Three weeks later I get a text saying sorry he didn't call, he's just going through a lot right now....blah blah....


Anyways, that's enough for now. There is much more to archive, but recounting these mistadventures is making me want to curl up under my desk and cry...or shake myself and ask why I on earth I ever spoke to these guys in the first place. Ugh. I never learn.

Cheers and Salt! xoxo

Meet and Greet with Sweet!

I must have a sign on my forehead that says “If you are LAME, please date me.” Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe there are a lot of really cool guys out there. For some reason though, I keep meeting dudes who seem cool and normal at first, until the truth comes out about their girlfriend and/or drug problem (or just their lame-ness in general). I must be doing something wrong, I just can’t figure out what it is. So until the right guy comes around, I hope you find my ridiculous dating encounters as entertaining as I do. :)

Sweet.

Meet and Greet with Salty!

Let me just throw this out there from the get-go: my longest relationship was in 5th grade. It was 8 months long and we didn't speak in person during most of it. Since then, my "relationships" have matured slightly, but tend to consist of 2 month stints that usually end with me losing interest or the gentleman in question reminding me that he never wanted a relationship in the first place. Nevertheless, I am optimistic that eventually I will find someone who will sweep me off my feet......(sigh). Until then, I'm enjoying the ride one ridiculous date at a time :) Cheers and Salt!

Call us picky. Call us bitchy. Call us whatever you want, but we're not going to lower our standards because guys can't seem to get their acts together. We're two single, sassy women in our 20's with drive, class, and a history of dating the most ridiculous men in the Windy City. We thank you for reading and hope you enjoy our tales of dating disasters.....