It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine......

Common said it, and I must agree--- when something is good, you just know it's good. You don't have to think about it, or even think about thinking about it, it just feels right. The same goes for dating. We have all the time in the world to ponder these bad and obscure dates because they aren't substantial--they don't mean much in the scheme of things. Good dates on the other hand are different. To me, a good date goes by in a blur only leaving a feeling behind. Looking back, I find it hard to remember good dates because I am so engrossed in the moment that I'm not even aware of the details. I couldn't tell you what I was wearing, what I ate or what time I got home...

The point of this post, ( I swear this is leading somewhere!) is to address comments that we appear bitter or jaded. To be honest, I probably am, but I am also hopeful! In the midst of countless horrible dates, there have also been some wonderful ones. Just so you guy stop sipping the haterade (that's for you-know-who at work), I will tell you about the top three dates/guys of the past couple years....after I get a good night's sleep (and have another 12 hours to figure out what I'm going to write about ;). More to come!

xoxo Salty!

Dear Dude from Friday,

You might have had a chance when your friend tried to set you up with me at my pre-bar. You have goals and good taste in music. However, you did a few things that killed your game. Since you were so confused why I wouldn't let you touch my leg later that night in the cab, let me explain…

First you tried to kill my fish by dumping all of his food in the bowl…he’s still alive, but swimming on his side now. Not funny. You thought “Seagull” would be a good nickname for my friend. Have you no manners?

Finally, I knew you looked familiar for some reason! Why are you my Facebook friend already?? I never met you before…that’s super creepy. Yeah, I’m wondering why I accepted a stranger as my friend too, but this isn’t about me right now…and guess what, you have now been de-friended. So please stop posting status updates about how you want to be Mr. (me).

Hopefully I helped clear up your confusion.

XOXO,
Sweet.

A public service announcement brought to you by Salty: Do not recycle!

Cans and bottles? Fine. Guys? No way. Per my last post, I told you that I ran into some guy I used to date while walking to a bar last Thursday. He text me that night asking if we could get together the next night. I said no, I had plans but maybe Sat night. Fast forward to Saturday afternoon...I'm standing in front of my empty fridge at my new apartment trying to figure out how on earth I can make dinner without pots, pans, plates or utensils. It was at that exact moment that I decided someone should take me out to dinner and that someone should probably be that dude I re-met on Thurs. So, I text him asking if he had dinner plans.....No reply. It isn't until 10:30pm after my roommate and I went to get pizza and some friends had come over to pre-party that he calls me. Where am I? Can he come over? Meet me out? Persistent much???

Anyways, for whatever reason I tell him he can come over and accompany us to the bars. Big mistake. As soon as we get to the bar he orders me a drink and we engage in a little chit chat, but as soon as I turn my back to talk to my roommate, two girls walk over and start talking to him. Twenty minutes later they are all still talking and I'm getting annoyed. Fifteen mins later our friends decide to move the party to another bar, and so I leave without saying goodbye or telling him where I am going. At 2am I get a text asking where I went. Clearly he couldn't seal the deal with either chick....

Moral of the story: If you didn't want to date him before, you probably don't want to date him now.

Please don't recycle! xoxoxo Salty

Meat is the way to my heart.

This past weekend a man who was slightly balding approached my friend and I at the bar. We told him in unison that we had boyfriends (a lie), but he continued hitting on us anyway, and even offered to grill us steaks that week. The offer made my eyes light up…I couldn’t help it. So I gave him my number.

I’ve been offered meat a few times before by guys. The best example is the sausage guy I met in Wisconsin (of course) at a beer garden a couple years ago. I was happily inhaling a bratwurst and a beer, and unfortunately caught the attention of an older guy with a mustache and a blaze orange hat. He noticed that I liked brats and said he was a meat distributor. I didn’t really want to talk to this guy, but for some reason I did anyway…and proceeded to give him my address so he could send me “some really good brats.” SO stupid btw.

A couple weeks later I’d forgotten about this encounter, until a UPS guy showed up at the door with a huge box…in it was about 100 frozen bratwurst (!?) and a few filet mignons (bonus!). Thanks sausage guy, for helping me gain 10 pounds in 2 months.
My dad, a psychiatrist and anthropology expert, says that back in the hunter/gatherer days the man who produced the most meat for a tribe was considered to be the alpha male and got all the ladies. Not that I would EVER date one of these guys, it did give them a little extra edge. Go meat.
Sweet!

Pete and Repeat....

Unfortunately this Friday is extremely busy, but I do have a quick update! Walking from work to the happy hour bar yesterday I ran into this guy I used to work with during the summers in high school. Straddling a road bike and wearing a phenomenal blazer and well tailored pants ( I'm a sucker for a man who knows how to dress), he caught my eye. Nine blocks later, we exchanged numbers and bid adieu....

Normally I would be super excited about this as he is quite attractive, (and if my memory serves me, you can wash laundry on his abs) super nice and intelligent, BUT I do recall going on a few dates with him back in high school/early college....clearly something didn't work. If only I could remember what it was....Hmmmmmm

To be continued....

xoxo Salty

I'm currently wasting my time wtih a frat guy.

Here’s how it started. I’m a few beers deep after a football game tailgate and see this frat guy I used to know as an undergrad at the bar. He’s tall, cute, and wearing a pink polo shirt. We’re both tipsy, and immediately confess our past crushes on each other. Conveniently, he just moved to Chicago so we exchange numbers and make plans to hang out once back in the city. All promising so far…

For our first date we agree to meet for happy hour drinks. This was at least a step up from his original suggestion of lunch at a cafeteria-style Mediterranean place…which should have been a red flag, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he doesn’t know the city yet. I spend the first 15 min. of our date trying to get a drink from the bar while he’s shouting directions to a friend on his iphone. Classy. Then when he finally hangs up, this friend arrives…and she’s a girl. Umm, WTF.

Ok…maybe she’s here as a friend to approve/disapprove of me. The girl seems nice, but still, why is she here. I spend the next hour with a perma-smile plastered on my face trying to figure out which one of them I should try to impress. Is she more than just his friend? Is he hoping that this girl and I would bond and he would get super lucky later? Or he could be gay…I just don’t understand. I arrive at the conclusion that he’s either dumb or not interested and get out of there ASAP, not expecting to hear from him again.

But then come the texts over the weekend…and apparently he’s interested (or just drunk). I get a “you’re sexy!” and a “Hey hun, how’s it going?” He even called me “little one.” Ok weird, but yeah, he totally hearts me. Maybe he’ll redeem himself and ask me on a real date. A couple days later, he calls to chat. I ask him what his plans are for the week to get things going. He’s vague, and finally asks “well if you want to hang out casually, let me know.”

WTF does that mean? Casually. As in on the side? Does he have a GF? Umm, not according to Facebook. Sh*t, he just means hang out on the couch doesn’t he. I consider myself to be a low maintenance girl, but really?

I still haven’t decided whether or not to take him up on this generous offer. Maybe I will just for the sake of the blog. Stay tuned…
XOXO, Sweet

With introductions out of the way, it's time for the good stuff: bringing you up to speed on the current gentlemen callers in the life of Salty. Please note that I used the term "gentlemen callers" lightly, as these range from people who call me obsessively, to that guy I only text at 4am after all the bars have closed and I'm still looking to party. So,without further ado...

1) Crazy. I met this guy at 3am early this summer at some random late night bar in Old Town. I was with friends and several thousand cocktails deep when he approached me for a little chit-chat. Mid chit-chat he tells me he's bipolar. Thinking he was kidding (I mean, who just throws that out there the first time you meet them??) , I laugh it off, have another cocktail and leave without giving him my number. A couple days later I get a call from him. Turns out my friends gave him my digits (thanks, guys!) and he wants to know if ill join him for dinner. One thing you should know about me is that I looooove food. I'm a total foodie and although I don't have the funds to do so, I often use dating as a way to finance this hobby. Annnyways, long story short although he called to confirm earlier in the day, he just flat out never called that night. The next day he called to say he was sorry......he decided to go see his family in Wisconsin. WTF? I promptly tell him he's an ass, erase his number from my phone and proceed to forget about him.....

UNTIL! I get a random text last Friday saying he saw me on the street and can he take me to dinner? "Not a chance" I tell him.....but about a million texts, phone calls, etc later I find myself sitting across a plate of sushi from him sipping a leeche martini (yum!). I should also mention that I have less than stellar self control (I'm a prime candidate for peer pressure). Although I was planning on ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, having several delicious cocktails and then telling him he's an asshole and storming out, I ended up having a great time. So, now what?

2) Lawyer Lad. We have a ton of history dating all the way back to that summer we spent together in college....I always thought he was perfect until I found out that he had been dating some chick throughout most of the time we spent together. Now, newly single, he has become my new "call at 4am when I'm stranded in Wicker Park and spent all the cash I have on cocktails and the buses aren't running" guy. Although he has "changed" as he says, he's pretty much standing there waving a giant red flag in front of my face. Unfortunately for me, I must be part bull because I run directly at it, even when I know it's TROUBLE!

3) The Crush. I have the biggest crush on my good friend's brother...this has been going on for years, but it wasn't until this summer that we started hanging out. I consider this thinnnnn ice, so I'm trying to avoid making cracks. Stay tuned!

4) Birthday Boy. For someone who makes his living giving back to other and making the world a better place, this guy is truly a selfish ass. Last winter we started talking and in the midst of our "beginnings" he explains that he's still going through a drawn out break up with his ex and things are really hard for him right now...blah, blah at which point he moves out east for work. Fast forward to September when I spent a glorious weekend in NYC celebrating my quarter century with my besties....the night of my birthday he met us out for drinking, dancing and an a-bar at his place. 11am the next morning I did my first ever NYC walk of shame across Manhattan. Three weeks later I get a text saying sorry he didn't call, he's just going through a lot right now....blah blah....


Anyways, that's enough for now. There is much more to archive, but recounting these mistadventures is making me want to curl up under my desk and cry...or shake myself and ask why I on earth I ever spoke to these guys in the first place. Ugh. I never learn.

Cheers and Salt! xoxo

Meet and Greet with Sweet!

I must have a sign on my forehead that says “If you are LAME, please date me.” Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe there are a lot of really cool guys out there. For some reason though, I keep meeting dudes who seem cool and normal at first, until the truth comes out about their girlfriend and/or drug problem (or just their lame-ness in general). I must be doing something wrong, I just can’t figure out what it is. So until the right guy comes around, I hope you find my ridiculous dating encounters as entertaining as I do. :)

Sweet.

Meet and Greet with Salty!

Let me just throw this out there from the get-go: my longest relationship was in 5th grade. It was 8 months long and we didn't speak in person during most of it. Since then, my "relationships" have matured slightly, but tend to consist of 2 month stints that usually end with me losing interest or the gentleman in question reminding me that he never wanted a relationship in the first place. Nevertheless, I am optimistic that eventually I will find someone who will sweep me off my feet......(sigh). Until then, I'm enjoying the ride one ridiculous date at a time :) Cheers and Salt!

Call us picky. Call us bitchy. Call us whatever you want, but we're not going to lower our standards because guys can't seem to get their acts together. We're two single, sassy women in our 20's with drive, class, and a history of dating the most ridiculous men in the Windy City. We thank you for reading and hope you enjoy our tales of dating disasters.....