Sorry to keep you waiting...

Well, it has officially been ages. Salty went off to the Middle East at which point a war started, then she returned home only to find her company in the midst of yet another round of layoffs. Luckily, Sweet and Salty both survived round two, but have since taken on so much additional work that there is simply no time to write. However, Salty just joined the 21st century and got internet at her house, so hopefully more posts will follow...in the meantime here's what's been going on with Salty.

No more writing in third person. Sometimes I start and I can't stop. Anyways, I set off for the Middle East and as it so happens I met a lovely babe of an Israeli soldier who served as a fabulous 2 week fling. He was cute, looked great in a uniform (which really isn't my thing), and was all about nightly one v. one soccer games (not a metaphor--we seriously played soccer a lot). He did, however, have an Israeli gf who like all Israelis served in the military and knows how to shoot an AK47, so I think my departure was a must. I do feel like a horrible person for being a first time accomplice to cheating, but it takes two to tango....and i'm never going to see him again.Eek!

After getting back from vacation, I met several guys at several bars, but none have really been anything worth writing about, so I will give them "you aren't awesome enough for a paragraph" bullets:

• Cute phoenix boy--met at a bar, he was in town visiting, we went out once after that and he turned out to be really weird---may not live in phoenix? may be nuts and only calls after 3am, but not for a booty call...I just ignore him but have a feeling i havent seen the last of him....
• Friend of Friend- I spent a night making fun of him for being sleazy, ran into him during lunch one day and found him cute and charming so I gave him the digits...let's see if he calls
• Hobbit-okay, he's not a hobbit but he is 5'7" which is waayyyy to short for me. He's nice and jewish, and drives a fabulous car, but he lives at home....I met him at a late night bar which means that thanks to beer goggles we've been out once and he texts me all the time.
  
• Vday Friend Date--This guy is from my second job and we went out for v-day. I think he'd be perfect for me, but I have zero interest. Blah
• Mystery Man--Met him at a bar, totally dont remember anything about him but we're going out sometime soon.
  

Okay, so that's it for now...more to come soon!

xoxo Salty

Boo Hunting

Before heading to the Middle East, I decided to take a weekend trip to NYC to spend some quality time with my best friend from forever and her partner in crime: a sassy yet sweet southern Cali girl turned NYC school teacher who first introduced me to the concept of "boo hunting."

Boo hunting is pretty much as it sounds--going out in search of potential man-friends. The difference between a boo hunting night a regular night is effort. On a boo hunting night, you identify the guy you are attracted to and you go talk to him. On a normal night you wait for them to come to you...

Last night my bff, her recently single partner in crime and I decided to do a little lower east side boo hunting and here are the results: Apparently I am super picky because the extent of my find was one guy with whom I shared an unintelligible conversation (he was a South American raised in Paris with a mumbling problem), several cocktails, and eventually an extremely innocent kiss goodbye. Other than that, I didn't see a single guy I wanted to talk to...s0 maybe I need to lower my standards, or maybe I need to stop being so effing superficial.

Another brief update: birthday boy is no more, I'm having coffee first thing with my first love/lust from high school, and then making the rounds to lunch with my ex from college before I jump on plane.....gotta keep things interesting, right? More to come in a couple weeks...

xoxo,
Salty

Going, Going, Goooooooone

With no luck in the states, this girl is heading overseas to try her hand with Israeli men...... While there are more noble things to be done in the Middle East, I wouldn't mind a hot Israeli whispering sweet Hebrew nothings into my ear...(while I meditate on peace in the Middle East, of course).

On a serious note, while it would be great to meet someone while I'm there, I'm mainly excited about having the chance to totally disconnect. On a daily basis there are too many distractions. With cell phones, email and Facebook it's impossible not to be aware of what everyone else is doing, subsequently distracting from what's really important: you!

I think the lack of significant men in my life can be correlated with the lack of significant time I have had to be with myself (it's widely agreed that you need to be the person you want to date!). I am currently working two jobs, one of which includes an unfortunate and toxic coworker, and the other involves little money and folding ski pants. Needless to say, I am not 100% enthusiastic about my life at the moment, which is why I relish the chance to turn off my cell phone, abandon my email and explore.

So...first I take a mini vacation to the Big Apple to hang out with my best friend from forever and then I'm going, going, goooooone. Try not to miss me too much.

p.s. I almost forgot---No birthday boy for me.....it was such a bad idea, even he realized it. Eek!

xoxo,
Salty

Cutting off my ear to spite my face....

It's a bad idea.

"What?" you may ask.... Well, I was going to ponder a question over the course of this post, but since I can answer my own question, I'll just explain what on earth I'm talking about.

It's simply a bad idea to see the guy I spent my birthday weekend with, who took weeks to call and is a selfish ass. HOWEVER, I'm a very slow learner and quite bored, so I might. In fact, I probably will, as my upcoming trip to New York is followed by a two week excursion to the Middle East....and not being one of the safest places in the world, I would at least like to have a night of regrettable fun before I hit up the West Bank.

I never learn!

XOXO, Salty

Wait, where are you going?

I love Thanksgiving. Lots of food, wine, and family time…and of course, questions from my relatives about my current boy situation. Unfortunately they always bring up the guy I talked about at the last family function and I have to first figure out A) who I was so excited about 3 months ago, and then B) how do I explain what went wrong (i.e. he got back together with his ex, he turned out to have a pretty major drug addiction, etc). So I’ve learned to be very cautious about how much info I give away to the fam at the beginning of things to avoid the risk of seeing serious disappointment on their faces at the next holiday. So here’s what I didn’t tell them this weekend…

I started dating this super nice guy a couple weeks ago. He does everything right, it’s pretty unbelievable…he orders a bottle of wine at dinner (and pays), calls when he says he will, he’s nice to my friends, etc. Think Aidan from Sex and the City. My family would LOVE him. Sound too good to be true? Yep, it is. He’s leaving Chicago in a few weeks...to spend 6 months in a third world country. So there’s that. Part of me is also a little skeptical about all this niceness. It's almost creepy how much of a good person he is. I’m just not used to it or something….but hey, I’ll take it and do everything I can to appreciate it while it lasts.

Anyway, I’m definitely going to continue hanging out with him until he leaves. But he won’t be showing up at my parents’ house for the holidays, and there is definitely no long-distance relationship in our future. So I’ll just have to work on finding a replacement guy by the time he leaves or the last couple months of winter are going to be brutal!!

XOXO, Sweet!

We means we.....

Although Google analytics may indicate otherwise, it seems people are actually reading this blog (thanks!) and want to know what happened with the dog-sled guy. So, without further ado: It turns out he's in a serious relationship (boo) AND he started a company with her, so it looks like they are in it for the long haul (boo). Just to make the situation a little more vomit inducing, I found the following on their company website in the "our story" section. (and NO, I'm not a creep, he gave me the address during our phone convo..)

"In life, things seem to come together at the right time. I had always heard about abilities of dogs to attract the opposite sex, yet I had never experienced Ozzie's magic until the day he met Lindsay.

Lindsay just so happened to have a big black Sheep Herder named Cody... Actually, Cody has an adorable and attractive human named Lindsay, who also happened to be looking for a beautiful green fenced in yard.

Lindsay and I started GreenWISE because of our love for dogs, yards, and... each other. The rest is history."

Although I just threw up in my mouth, I kind of wish it were me. Haha.
XOXO, Salty!

The royal we

My quest for a little extra cash often leads me to the suburbs for a little dog/house sitting. This evening as I was taking said dog for a walk I saw a peculiar sight: a man balanced on a skateboard being pulled by two dogs. Intrigued and a little startled, I waved hello and watched as he disappeared down the street.

Twenty minutes later I'm about to walk into a restaurant to meet my mother for dinner (dog/house sitting also comes with free sushi dinners with mom--awesome) when dog sled guy appears out of nowhere. As he stops to tie his dogs to a nearby post I happen to notice that he's a not ugly. In fact, he's gorgeous. Realizing that I was being a total creep standing there watching him tie up his dogs, I tried to save face by saying hello. "Hello" turned into a ten minute convo and eventually he suggested we hang out sometime. As I'm putting his digits into my phone feeling happy as a clam he says something along the lines of: "great, we would love to hang out. We only live right around the corner."

WE? My first instinct is to look at his ring finger....nothing. Before I have a chance to subtly explore the "we," my mother comes out of the restaurant looking annoyed. I say goodbye and depart only to be left wondering who "we" is......

Here's what I've come up with (with my comments in bold):

1. We = wife and kids and he doesn't wear his rings because he is the owner of a green landscaping company and thus it would get dirty (Not into this scenario...and he's only 28, which seems pretty young for a wife and kids, but also very plausible)
2. We = very serious girlfriend (not into this one either...but always possible, as who would choose to live in the suburbs if they are young and single)
3. We = he lives with his parents (eek)
4. We = he considers the dogs part of the family (I'm down)
5. We = he has roommates (totally town)
6. We = he loves himself so much he uses the royal we (of course this would be the guy I run into)

So, my gut would be #1, but I think I'm going to call tomorrow night and suggest a friendly dog walking sesh just to find out. If I had to put money on it though, I would bet that Friday's post includes my creepy encounter with dog sled guy and his wife (and maybe 7 children). Eek! More to come!!

XOXO Salty

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